• 9:19 PM, Friday, May 22, 2009
"The gruesome past will follow me for the rest of my life."I've been thinking a lot lately. Thinking about the life I'm living now, compared to 1 - 2 years ago. Indeed, it's totally different. I'm surprised by the fact that I changed so much in such a short span of time. Now, I only regret what I did then. But what's done is already done. As much as I would love to, there is nothing I can do to reverse the past.
Regret, regret, regret.
Recently, I've been mood swinging a lot. I don't fathom why. I've been over-reacting to little situations umpteen times, and I found it really hard to control my emotions. I wish someone could tell me why all this is happening to me. I don't like it, but I can't seem to do anything to improve it. Urgh, why? There are so many stories that I'm hearing, and they come from different worlds. Who am I supposed to believe? All of them seem real to me. Why am I kept in the dark? I wish someone was here to give the answers to all of my doubts. I don't think I can hold on like this any longer. I will fall apart very soon if I keep going like this.
When I went for mass today, I started to recall everything that has happened in the past, and most of these memories weren't pleasant ones. I tried to kick everything out of my mind, but it kept flowing back. With the past that left a scar etched in my heart forever, and the complicating situations now, it is no wonder why I can't find true happiness. It's is no wonder, why my life has been an awful lie for the longest time.
I can keep pretending so that no one knows how I really feel deep down,
But I can't pretend forever.
-
I have a smile
Stretched from ear to ear
To see you walking down the road
We meet at the lights
I stare for a while
The world around disappears
Just you and me
On this island of hope
A breath between us could be miles
Let me surround you
My sea to your shore
Let me be the calm you seek
Oh and every time Im close to you
Theres too much I cant say
And you just walk away
And I forgot
To tell you
I love you
And the nights
Too long
And cold here
Without you
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the strength to say I need you so
Oh and every time Im close to you
Theres too much I cant say
And you just walk away
And I forgot
To tell you
I love you
And the nights
Too long
And cold here
Without you
